All of the views canvassed thus far allow that, at least in somecircumstances, forgiveness has positive moral status. But somephilosophers have expressed skepticism about the morality offorgiveness as such. For example, some “perfectionist”views of morality might see forgiveness, not as having intrinsic moralvalue, but as having only instrumental or remedial value. Aperfectionist view might hold that whatever attitudes or actions weovercome or forbear in forgiveness were not morally good in the firstplace: to feel resentment, for example, admits of moral error. And soif one is in a position to forgive, this would reveal only thatsomething morally sub-par had already occurred in how a victimresponded to being wronged. Forgiveness might be thought then as justthe mechanism by which we expunge those already morally mistakenreactions. Griswold argues that something like this perfectionistscheme can be found in the ancients from Plato, Aristotle, the Stoics,and the Epicureans (2007: 2–14). And though his views on what wenow call forgiveness are complicated, Nietzsche might be understood as“seeing forgiveness as part of a moral system that must berejected in toto” (Griswold 2007: 15; cf. Blustein2014: 23–30).
Absent this process, however, the victim forgives prematurely, and herforgiveness may therefore be incompatible with her own self-respectand therefore inappropriate (1993: 341, 342). Notice that forHolmgren, whether one’s forgiveness is self-respecting dependswholly on whether the victim herself goes through a certain kind ofprocess. On her view, forgiveness that is compatible with self-respectdoes not depend on the actions or attitudes of the wrongdoer. Whatkind of process is required? Holmgren identifies six general elementsof this process: the wrongdoer must (1) recover her self-esteem; (2)come to fully appreciate the nature of the wrongdoing and why it waswrong; (3) acknowledge as basic and legitimate her feelings of angerand grief as a result of being wronged; (4) not withhold something sheneeds to say or express to the wrongdoer about her beliefs andfeelings; (5) reassess the nature of her relationship with thewrongdoer; and (6) determine whether she wants to seek restitutionfrom the wrongdoer (1993: 343–4).
My 3rd grade–now 4th grade I imagine, granddaughter was visiting for the first time since January when she and her parents and brother moved out of state. I made oatmeal for her and unlike the other grandkids, she said she liked it and we discussed the small dash of cinnamon I had put in it. As she talked, she seemed so much older in the 5 months since she left and, golly, she was beautiful. I searched for a way to tell her this, but something held me back. Our conversation was about breakfast and other things and that made me realize, as it was happening, that her beauty in my mind was something I didn’t need to share.
Thanks for opening my eyes to see that I did something good! I will continue as I have 8 other granddaughters below the age of 18.
-Talk to your child about the importance of forgiveness. Ask him if there is anyone he needs to forgive. If so, have him do the 4-step process, then copy the above forgiveness statement, and have him fill it out.
Nelson Mandela once said, Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. You have the power to change that. Peace is built on the decisions we make and the actions we take in the small moments of our life. Deciding to forgive is one more way of creating peace, the most important job any of us can do right now.
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I know someright-wing pseudo-Christians have found it hard to believe that Pope John PaulII actually wrote the words I attribute to him throughout this essay. Iguarantee you, my excerpts give a completely accurate picture of the Church'steachings in this area. I urge the doubting Thomases to check the originaldocuments and read them in their entireties.
I applaud your efforts! Given this is an article about women, perhaps my thinking is not best served here, but… Anyways. I wonder if this kind of talk simply isn’t valued *in general* with kids. But will be expressed in different ways for different genders. As a teacher, I’ve noticed it is the exceptional person who actually is interested in what any child thinks or enjoys or is excited about. They seem to be treated as empty vessels upon which to project your own insecurities rather than thinking, albeit somewhat wonky, people who do or think strange things because they don’t have any experience. Well. One person at a time, I suppose.
Elements of Matthew 25 works discussed above include: the necessityto individual acts of charity; theappropriateness of inthe effort; the need to address problems on a scope; and last but not least for those of the right-wing pseudo-Christianpersuasion, the obligation – when opposing efforts by others to help the"least of these" – to offer an that helps at least the same number of people the same amount, as soon and ascertainly.
16. And behold, one came up to him, saying, "Teacher, what good deed mustI do, to have eternal life?" 17. And he said to him, "Why do you askme about what is good? One there is who is good. If you would enter life, keepthe commandments." 18. He said to him, "Which?" And Jesus said,"You shall not kill, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal,You shall not bear false witness, 19. Honor your father and mother, and, Youshall love your neighbor as yourself." 20. The young man said to him,"All these I have observed; what do I still lack?" 21. Jesus said tohim, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to thepoor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." 22. Whenthe young man heard this he went away sorrowful; for he had great possessions.23. And Jesus said to his disciples, "Truly, I say to you, it will be hardfor a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24. Again I tell you, it iseasier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man toenter the kingdom of God." 25. When the disciples heard this they weregreatly astonished, saying, "Who then can be saved?" 26. But Jesuslooked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with Godall things are possible." 27. Then Peter said in reply, "Lo, we haveleft everything and followed you. What then shall we have?" 28. Jesus saidto them, "Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of man shallsit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelvethrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29. And every one who has lefthouses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for myname's sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life. 30. But manythat are first will be last, and the last first.
I have thought these same thoughts for a very long time. As I think about it more, I wonder if parents (moms) may be subconsciously contributing to this when they dress their daughters up all fancy and focus so much on their hair and other outward stuff. I am not suggesting that we should put girls in “boys’ clothes,” but maybe give them more freedom in choosing their own clothes. We might be surprised at what they choose.
I am an English teacher, and guess what their presents are every birthday and holiday? They get a book. Nowadays, it’s usually an ebook. They don’t have a n eReader, but thanks to me, my sister now has the Free Kindle App for PC. I try to buy them age appropriate books, and when they have both turned 14, I will be buying them books about the Holocaust because my sister wants me to wait. her kids, her choice. They were into Barbie, all things pink, Ariel, the Little Princess, Cinderella, and Beauty and the Beast as little girls. I always talked to them about much more substantive matters. Whenever they asked what i was up to, I always told them about the lessons I was teaching my High School students. Things just slightly above their current levels. A big one with Middle and Lower High School students, is, “If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?” it;s still one of my favorites, and I start the year off with it because it let’s us as a class dive right into learning, and makes kids dive right into what they already know. What I am constantly working on as a teacher is wait time. We really do need to slow down, and let people think before they blurt things out….